It may seem odd to think that spending time bonding with your baby may also make you feel a lot of fear and doubt, as well as disconnected from other parts of your life.
You must understand that this phenomenon is quite common and that you are not the only mum who experiences loneliness. There is no need to panic because though you might feel overwhelmed it does not last for long.
What you need is a sense of how to handle this period, so you come out stronger.
Handling the Loneliness
Just like postpartum depression or the baby blues, this feeling of loneliness may be dangerous in the long term if not paid attention to. Mummy loneliness has been linked to mental illness, as well as hypertension.
To help you handle this, here are a few simple tips you can use:
1. Make friends with other mums
The old saying, there is strength in numbers, is true. Spending time with other mums gives you the opportunity to share your experiences with each other, exchange ideas and basically just have other mums to talk to. It can be calming to be with someone who understands exactly what you are going through. Joining mum groups is also great idea though it can be difficult to participate when you are consistently exhausted, and sleep deprived.
2. Go for a walk
Occasionally stepping out of the house for a breath of fresh air and stretching those legs can do wonders for your mood. It doesn’t have to be for long periods of time. A few minutes around the neighbourhood can sometimes do the trick.
3. Take a shower
It’s very easy to get so overwhelmed and not take care of yourself. Popping into the shower and having the water run over you can have a soothing and calming effect.
4. Call someone
You can keep in touch with your non-mum friends to help take your mind off the stress of motherhood. Just chatting about everyday life and other issues is a great way to help ease your stress.
5. Don’t turn down assistance
It’s tempting for some mums to feel they can manage everything on their own. However, there’s nothing wrong with asking for help from your partner, or friends and family. Most often they are willing to support you. Knowing they have got your back can ease some of the stress and loneliness you might be feeling.
6. Open up and be honest
You don’t have to bottle up your feelings. If you are upset, say it. If you’re tired or overwhelmed, tell someone. It’s ok not to be ok. If you think things don’t seem right with you in any way open up to your partner, friend and family as well as your doctor and let them know. After all, a problem shared is a problem half solved.
7. Write your feelings
You may consider blogging or writing out your feelings. It doesn’t necessarily have to be focused on your experiences as a mother. As long as you are writing about any subject, this can take your mind off things and offer an avenue to redirect your lonely feeling.
8. Don’t aim for perfection
It’s easy to compare yourself with the “perfect mums” you see particularly on social media. Their hair always seems to be in place, they look like they have their life together and you wonder what you might be doing wrong.
What you must understand is that these are just images of moments in their life. They are every bit as imperfect as you are. That’s why having mum friends can put things in proper perspective. You see the struggles they also go through, and you feel that you are not the only one experiencing this. Remember, there’s no such thing as a perfect mum.
9. Give yourself a break
You need to be more accepting of who you are. Remind yourself that you are doing a good job and that this period is only for a short while. Once you accept this and go with the flow, you will be able to better manage the situation.
Always remember that you are not alone in this and there are countless mums just like you who understand exactly how you feel. Keep reminding yourself that this is for a short time.
Of course, you can always seek help from your doctor or counsellor if you feel extremely overwhelmed and can’t seem to get out of a rut.
In the end, remember, you are not alone and there are more than enough allies waiting on the wings to offer you help.
